I’m feeling it, and I see other people are feeling it. The holidays, with their mixed bag of joy and anxiety, are upon us in full force! What to do? Crawl in a hole and cry ourselves to sleep, rocking back and forth in a fetal position? Well, hopefully not.
Things started good. I was in the spirit, brainstorming on things I could get/make for others — having fun with the process. It actually feels really great to consciously think of ways to make other people in your life happy! But then something changed. I began feeling behind, like I didn’t have enough time in the day. I got into that zone that I think people can relate to, where you are feeling highly anxious because you have overextended yourself — stretching past an already full plate. The feeling was becoming overwhelming, bringing up all of those feelings of failure and inadequacy, leaving me feeling like shit.
I had a great appointment with my counselor yesterday where I basically fell apart and then came back together again. Upon reassembly, I realized that all of this pressure I was putting on myself was a choice. And I’m choosing to say “Eff you” to the anxiety and etc!
The way I see it, I made it as far as I’m going to make it this holiday season. At this point, if I made or bought something for you before I crossed the anxiety line, then you will get something from me. However, if you are on the other side of that line, I refuse to beat myself up trying to cram it all in. Nobody really wants something that came from negativity, right? I think that point gets lost in the holiday season.
My goal is to start the process earlier next year, trying to do all of the brainstorming, etc, when it is fun — before I hit that anxiety line. That will mean more joy for me and for the other people in my life.
[This post can also be taken as a preemptive apology :P]