Left Brain / Right Brain Knife Fight

It’s interesting how different mediums bring out different aspects of my personality. In real life, I am known for my humor. I like to invoke laughter in others. On twitter I feel like kind of a snarky smart ass. On facebook I am supportive of others, but rarely open my mouth to speak. 

Here I am contemplative and emotional. Sometimes I fear that I am kind of depressing. It can feel like one of those harrowing telephone conversations where you hear your own voice echo. In any case, I tend to be of the belief that one should follow their gut in matters like these, so I’m going to try not to over think it.

Something keeps me coming back though. It’s like I have to keep talking and sharing, hopefully getting closer to my truth. This is an exploration of what’s inside brought out. You are all welcome to come along if you like.

Or something like that. There is the question as a “blogger” of what to share. Do I show you my new haircut, or the hair on my upper back that makes me cringe a little bit when I see it in the mirror? Do I celebrate my wins, or hold a microscope to my losses, or both?

I tend to follow my nose on this one, going more by gut. I like to pretend nobody reads this blog, but yet I am comforted that you do. Pretending I’m alone helps me share more honestly. It’s like the blog version of the quantum mechanical principle that microscopic particles behave differently when we observe them vs when they are left to do their thing in the dark (that didn’t come out right :P).

A random thought occurred to me today, as I tried to feel the nature of the sadness that comes up. My whole experience of reality feels the way a freshly picked scab feels when a cold wind blows against it. What is normally unfeeling is now expressed, with a pixelated and raw sharpness.

So anyway, Sundays have always been difficult for me, and I’m not sure there was a specific source to this phenomenon. Today was kind of a rollercoaster, emotionally. My brain was telling me, “run, hide, be alone. You don’t want to be around others.” But I know my brain well enough to do the opposite when it starts talking like this. I’m so glad I did! I find myself bolstered in ways that I couldn’t have imagined when I connect with others. We impact each other beyond our expectations.