Or something like that. There is the question as a “blogger” of what to share. Do I show you my new haircut, or the hair on my upper back that makes me cringe a little bit when I see it in the mirror? Do I celebrate my wins, or hold a microscope to my losses, or both?
I tend to follow my nose on this one, going more by gut. I like to pretend nobody reads this blog, but yet I am comforted that you do. Pretending I’m alone helps me share more honestly. It’s like the blog version of the quantum mechanical principle that microscopic particles behave differently when we observe them vs when they are left to do their thing in the dark (that didn’t come out right :P).
A random thought occurred to me today, as I tried to feel the nature of the sadness that comes up. My whole experience of reality feels the way a freshly picked scab feels when a cold wind blows against it. What is normally unfeeling is now expressed, with a pixelated and raw sharpness.
So anyway, Sundays have always been difficult for me, and I’m not sure there was a specific source to this phenomenon. Today was kind of a rollercoaster, emotionally. My brain was telling me, “run, hide, be alone. You don’t want to be around others.” But I know my brain well enough to do the opposite when it starts talking like this. I’m so glad I did! I find myself bolstered in ways that I couldn’t have imagined when I connect with others. We impact each other beyond our expectations.